I finally have to admit that I am giving up studying. I'm doing my best to see the current course through, but it's unlikely I'll even finish it. After this, no more courses with OU, at least until I am physically fit enough to be able to sit down for a day without it impacting on my health and wellbeing for a week afterwards.
I know that sounds barmy, but I have been realising lately, and it's made me feel incredibly sad, that a day spent studying = a day of less moving than I need to do; a day of all my spoons spent and then some; and then a week or two of studying will equal a month of afternoons in bed. It's just so bad for me.
So I'm trying to bring my weight down; I need at least 2 sessions a week in the gym to give me the kind of energy boost that means I can get on and live a normal life. For me fibro plus a combination of different arthritises means that for every hour spent in bed one day, I will spend an hour and a half the following day. Fatigue, in my case, really does beget fatigue. So I need to fight it. And that means giving up something I've loved (and sometimes hated) for a lot of years now.
I won't get my graduation picture on the mantelpiece - and that thought, bizarrely, chokes me up. It's what I've always yearned for, since almost failing my A-levels 30 years ago. But you know what, now I have new dreams and new ambitions. I just need to aim at them now.